Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
