I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize