The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
