Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
