It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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