He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
