my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
