The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
