the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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