guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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