Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
