Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize