I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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