Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize