a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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