you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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