Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
