being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
