my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
