where am i from again
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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