I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
