Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
