I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
