I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
