I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
