My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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