so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
