Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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