Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize