So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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