God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
