I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
