I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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