mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
