Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize