Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
