Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
