The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
