also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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