Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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