i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
