At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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