Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
