we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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