May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
