Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
