so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize