boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
