Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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