If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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