Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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