As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
