What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
