Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize