1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
