I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
