Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
