he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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