3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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