How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
