Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize