my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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