It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
