Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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