You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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