I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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