If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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