someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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